A few thoughts amongst the balmy night of Granada

FEAR
It seems, in this moment - which is important to note, for moments change - that I have come full circle.


I am back in Spain, in Granada, where over a year ago I was brimming with hope and expectation for better things. Since then, I have found the wildest joy and have lost it in a blinding instant.  I have reached the highest and lowest of emotions.  I have reached the highest and lowest of my physical strength, but that was simple in comparison.


I am now simply deflated.
Nearly two years and so many experiences since, and I fear that it is not enough.
I am the constant factor in this equation.


And yet it is fear that stops us also in believing that there has been change. I know that it is fear that is warning me of falling back into the shell of who I used to be, although now more than ever I can see it is truly a possibility. 


Simply because I have given my everything, my trust, and it was given back.  


Not in ruthlessness, nor pettiness, also, probably in fear.


Still what I had before, I no longer own and I never felt that I owned that much to start with.


What more can you do.  Is there ever enough.  How do people pick up and continue with hope, without fear.


PERSPECTIVE
Every time I write, I chastise myself for words of importance that are given to things that ´in perspective´, are of no ´importance´.


I have no threat of death, war, pain, or illness above any other, and therefore feel my words seem hollow when describing things of less ´importance´.


Yet, it is love, compassion, trust, a feeling of constant, that holds people together in the worst and best of human experience.  It is these that people cling to.


So it does make sense that this is what people look to in times of loneliness, whatever the degree.


As long as there is a perspective and if we are capable and able to have it for ourselves, then I guess we are forever able to see forward or to hope for a way into and out of the darkness


LOVE
I still don´t know what this means, or what it should mean.  


Forever love has been described circularly, love explained as love.  It makes no sense, but maybe that is the point, that there is no sense or logic for it or in it.


I have loved and not understood.


I have thought I have loved before I knew what it was to love, and still I do not love.


I love unconditionally some of the women in my life who know not how to hurt as bad as the other.


I have loved one, and understand why I shouldn´t and couldn´t have, yet I still love, and will always. My heart goes out to you perhaps because of your incapability to return it.  I have no further and want no further understanding of your or its contradictions.  Love...is blind. And forever will be.


FRIENDSHIP
Too many versions. Yet everyone knows who the true ones are even if they can´t point a finger as to exactly why.


Friendship is someone who holds a mirror to you and asks if you like what you see.


If you do, they understand.


If you don´t, they understand.


Friends do not try to change you, but will be brutally honest in their opinion, because it is an unselfish one, it is then up to you what you do with it.


Friends hear the dog whistle you blow before any other dog.


Friends see the white flag even if you own no material.


Friends will wake in the dying of the night and hold you until you both can´t cry, talk, or stay awake any longer.


Friends ask for nothing, and give you everything, and you to them. 


PROMISES
We are better without them....


especially the unspoken ones.


For they are impossible to keep, 


and mean too much. 

Introduction to Istanbul

Turkey... so much to say.  Simply, I have loved every minute of it and every minute has been unique.  Every minute represents a new friend, a new place, a new thought, a new resolution. 

Istanbul by night

I arrived in Turkey in the middle of June...I think.  

I remember getting on the bus in Sofia having already organisied my ticket the day before.  I got on the only bus that arrived at 11pm that night to be told that I had to buy a new ticket as my ticket was for a different bus company...that was obviously invisible.  

 

So after that waste of money, I realised I had no Turkish lira for toilet stops, so all in all, I was pretty excited about the bus trip so far.  But I managed the bladder control issues and the customs officer that sent me running all over the Turkish border like a headless chicken to organise a visa, while the rest of the busload of people were waiting for me as I was the only foreigner. 

No, the best part was when the bus was on fire...literally.  I woke up to smoke in the cabin and the engine on fire as we tried to remove our baggage from next to the fire-laden motor which was next to the petrol tank... Actually it was pretty bloody funny and from then on I knew I was going to love Turkey, I even had a bush pee seeing as the time for rules were over.  

We waited a couple of hours on the side of the road until we could get a ride into Istanbul, and then to Taksim where I would be meeting up with Kirney. 

I’ve now been in Turkey long enough to realise that whatever happens, everything always seems to work out for the best.   Take point, for example.  Kirney had just a few too many drinks the night before I arrived and whilst sitting on the loo in the morning feeling bad about missing the morning market, she suddenly remembers that she was supposed to come and meet one of her supposedly good friends who had no phone and no idea where to go...5 hours late.  Luckily, the bus did blow up and so timing worked out just about right.  

As I waited in Taksim square, Kirney comes up in typical Kirney fashion, apologising for how late she is whilst crying at seeing ‘her friend with that back pack that we walked across Spain with’.  Love her.   That morning we went to her friend Arzu’s house in Taksim.  I spent my first wonderful day in Turkey catching up on lost time with Kirney and watching while they manoeuvred braiding a client’s hair with Arzu’s dog Chuckles taking over the apartment, for the next 8 hours.  And this is what she does with her one day off work.  The girl has 3 jobs, a boyfriend, and still manages to go out and enjoy Istanbul and take care of her friends. 

The controlled chaos

We wandered back to her apartment and lugged my gear up the 6 flights of stairs to meet her wonderful boyfriend Ali, her kittens Mimi and Roma, and her friend Bec who was back in Turkey for the 7^th time. 

Kirm cooking up a storm

The babies.  Mimi and Roma

We sat down to a lovely home cooked Turkish dinner and then crashed for the night.  Perfect beginning to an adventure that would last 2 months and still counting...I’ll get writing shall I.

The view from Kirney's balcony

Yum

                     

Budapest...the best!

The bus from Vienna to Budapest was thankfully only about 6 hours long and so I arrived at about 6pm at Nepliget bus station.  I had emailed my friend Rob and he recommended that I stay at 11^th Hour Hostel. After negotiating the train, finding the hidden door of the hostel and trying to figure out exactly how to buzz the buzzer, I was invited into a sweet little enclosed courtyard and into the reception.  As I had just said goodbye to Tucks and Carli and was now truly winging all of my plans, I felt a little lost...I also looked like a dirty hippy, first impressions, you know. 

But after checking in and sitting around for a bit, John got the ball rolling by introducing me to some Canadians who had never met an Aussie before (?).  John had just arrived to work in the hostel from England but had been there before; he prides himself on being the instigator of fun things. He’s also a Chopper fan and likes to impersonate New Zealanders, so he’s ok in my books. 

Sitting down to watch Pleasantville with a few beers we all got talking and the rest is history.  That night we went out to a bar that played reggae (Hungarian style...) and got our dance on. 

 

Unfortunately I am writing this about a month after I was there and some of the details are a little sketchy, but Budapest was so much fun that instead of staying 3 days I stayed nearly 2 weeks, enough said.

Budapest lies on both sides of the river Danube and the west bank (Buda) and east bank (Pest) were unified in the late 1800’s to create Hungary’s capital city.  The architecture, climate, and most of all, the people, are beautiful.  

The next morning I dragged myself out of bed to explore some of Budapest.  I ended up hiking up Castle Hill to watch over the city.  I sat for the day and read my book in the sunshine and recollected my thoughts.  

That evening as John and I were sitting in the courtyard he mentioned that he just wanted a big group to come in, offer beers and have some fun... and perhaps some Mexican guests to share their dinner with him.  Well, no Mexicans, but a Welsh stag party did arrive and beers were definitely consumed.  It was also interesting to see large Welsh men in dresses and high heels.  We ended up going out again that night, and it was pretty messy. 

Next morning I had to change rooms but was that hung over that the receptionist actually had to wake me up and helped me move my bags, bless.   Lucky I did move rooms as I got to meet Lucy and Nuala, two awesome chicks from Oxford, England.   We got on from the first moment and spent the rest of the time they were there as a little threesome.  That day we decided to go to the Széchenyi baths, one of the largest bathing complexes in all of Europe.  It was such a grand and bright place with baths both inside and outside.  It was raining but we didn’t mind, but there was some minding of the all the Europeans and their budgie smugglers.

We spent the evening playing guitar together and practicing our ballet positions and then John and Simon took us out to one of their favourite places, Morrisons.  It’s a bar, it’s a club...and it’s also karaoke.  Good times.  

The next day was a little bit of write-off although we redeemed our consciences by walking over Greenbridge and around the Danube.  The evening though, was possible one of our most creative ever.  If you ever hear a song on the radio called ‘Will You Be My Spoon Tonight’ by The Kebab Kids, then you are listening to the masterpiece written and performed by Lucy, Nuala and myself...geniuses.  For something a little bit different, we all went out again that night.

Sadly the girls had to leave in the morning and I was also planning to move on, but as I had nowhere special to be and I was enjoying my time in Budapest, I decided to stay.

That day John played tour guide and showed me around Buda and the Fisherman’s Bastion. 

The timeline for the rest of my time in Budapest isn’t as clear in my head anymore but there are definite highlights.  The staff meeting which turned into a party was a very funny night, all the staff got on it and everyone went a little crazy, lucky all the guests loved it too and wanted to join in on transforming the reception into a dance floor.

For the rest of my time in Budapest I got to know Janka, one of the receptionists at 11^th Hour and a very special person.  We became really close and spent a lot of time together, miss her a lot. We spent a lot of time just hanging out, chatting and just generally being silly, a lot of healthy laughing was had.   

It was difficult to leave and I continued to extend my stay at 11^th Hour, putting off the inevitable, but eventually I had to bite the bullet and get a ticket out of there to Sofia.  Saying goodbye was hard, I hope we get to see each other again.  As much fun as travelling is, it is quite a solitary adventure and can occasionally break your heart a little bit; nothing is constant, all the relationships you form are transitional. But the great ones you do stay in contact with, it doesn’t matter how long or how far away you are from each other. 

The Sound of Music...constantly

Although my bus pass has been very economical and fairly convenient, trains are just so much more fun. I don’t know what it is...old school?  The train to Salzburg was probably one of the best routes to take as we passed snow capped mountains, small villages, fields and grass running all the way to the horizon.  The compartments in the train also added to the nostalgia of travelling gone by and so I sat and wrote and looked out the window, I really didn’t want the trip to end.  The girls slept, changing positions every 20 minutes, and by the looks of things, Tuck was really struggling to get comfortable, amusing. 

We arrived in Salzburg and began walking to the hostel, when a major incident occurred.  One of my thongs had a blow out (flip flops, not underwear, to all the non-Aussies).  I think everyone appreciates the pain when this occurs, the sense of loss when you realise it’s not a superficial blow out where you can just pop it back in.  And the sad realisation that you are a thong snob and will only ever be happy again if you find Havaianas to replace them.

devastated

Anyway, arriving at YoHo the girls were thrilled to find that the hostel has daily showings of ‘The Sound of Music’, so tomorrow morning was sorted then, all 3 hours of it. 

We traipsed the streets for dinner looking for all the restaurants that had been recommended and ended up at yet another Italian restaurant next to some Australians who were staying at our hostel.  Although we hadn’t done a lot we were fairly knackered and had an early one.

We had breakfast and then all seated ourselves for the 10.30am viewing of ‘The Sound of Music’. The girls were truly excited about the film judging by the look of horror on their faces when the DVD froze just as the Von Trapps were getting enthralled in Edelweiss, but we fixed it, crisis diverted. 

 

The girls thought I was lying about the 3 hours, but no. So early afternoon we set off for a walk around town and decided to stick with tradition and have another picnic.

So we got our staple ingredients and a bottle of champagne and began the long walk up to the Salzburg fort.  It is the largest in Central Europe and has never been conquered by an enemy.  It was a long walk uphill, reminiscent of the Camino days, and completely worth it.

Finding a spot overlooking the city we unravelled our picnic and poured the champagne.  On the other side were stunning views of the Alps, we spent the day on top of the world.

We caught the funicular down to the bottom and wandered around finding a few spots from ‘The Sound of Music’ to take photos of ourselves in front of, just so we would look like extra cool tourists. 

  

haha, they must get that a lot

The evening was spent at yet another Italian restaurant next door to the one from the night before.

The next morning it was finally time for The Sound of Music bike tour, as naff as it sounds, it was an  absolute highlight.

We spent 3 hours riding through the city, over the fort and then through the countryside of Salzburg.  Possibly the best part about it was watching Tucky try to ride a bike. She looked as if she was about to go bungee jumping and was holding onto the handles for dear life, so all her photo’s were blurry because her arms were literally shaking from the exertion of securing herself.

The abbey gates

When they filmed parts of The Sound of Music in the city square, they put up a huge Nazi flag without much explanation to the residents and fear spread across the city until they figured out that it was only a movie.  

We finished up at the pavilion where they sing the ‘I am 16...’ song and had a frolic while an elderly tour group sang the song in their respective parts, pretty cute.

On the ride back, we were given iPods with all the songs from the movie, not that we needed it. Since we arrived we had been singing the songs on repeat...all of them...on constant annoying repeat. 

Back in town, the girls did some more shopping (surprise) as I lay reading on the banks of the Salzach River.

Salzburg literally means ‘salt castle’ and the city’s wealth came in the 17^th century from their export of salt which was in high demand for many things including the curing of meat (as there was no refrigeration).  As salt became less essential, the city’s wealth declined, which is why there are a lot of beautiful buildings left from the Baroque period because that is the time when they were one of the richest areas in Europe.

We had a wine at one of the restaurants on the river and then dinner at a traditional restaurant and discussed our future travel plans.  The girls were heading west, and due to money restraints, I decided that I would head east, so this was our final goodbye as there was not much chance of us crossing paths again.  It was a melancholic feeling, I was very sad to see them go, apprehensive of what was to come but also excited to find out. 

So we packed all our things, had a good night’s sleep and early the next morning headed to the train station to catch our respective trains.  I was able to wave them off as their train pulled away and then hopped on mine back to Vienna where I would catch an overnight bus to Budapest.